I finally pass…. a journey with my procrastination, hesitation and resistance

In 2006, I decided that I would like to learn how to drive. 

In 2007, I said to myself that it was time to learn how to drive. 

In Feb 2018, when I told my husband that I would definitely take some driving lessons, he gave me a shocking reply. “You have said the same sentence for the past 12 years.” 

How could it be possible? Yes, it is highly possible because I just did it. Does it mean I have procrastinated for more than a decade? It certainly did not feel that long. 

After shock, there came an anger within me. “Watch me. This time I mean it.” I was determined to end this procrastination.

Frustrated by my own behaviour, I began to take new steps. First I did some research. Then I enrolled in a driving school. Despite my head kept telling me I might make a mistake, I ignored it. 

Once the anger reduced, I sat down and I asked myself what happened. Slowly, I begun to see a pattern. I made my decisions based on my reactions e.g. I wanted to learn how to drive because a friend just told how great it was to drive in Japan or I wanted to drive so I didn’t need to wait for someone to pick me up. I actually never really meant it. As a result, I rationalised each time why I didn’t do it e.g. I didn’t have time because I just started a new job, I was pregnant, I had a baby. In short, I would use every possible excuse I could think of to avoid doing it.  

After I saw that pattern clearly, I wanted to search deeper within me – the real reason of my procrastination. 

As I worked through different layers of excuses, I noticed they all pointed to the same direction. It was my FEAR which stopped me from moving forward, literally. 

What I was actually afraid of was the unknown. I didn’t like the idea of not knowing what to do behind the steering wheel. I didn’t like to be vulnerable to the unknown. I wanted to know and I wanted to control. Not able to do both made me feel very uncomfortable. 

Once I saw the irony, I begun to laugh. Isn’t it not knowing the reason why I need to take lessons?

After many many lessons and numerous failures, I have finally passed my exam and got my licence last week, a year after I decided to make a change.

What a big difference it makes in my life!

Now… What and where are your hesitation and resistance? Are you going to do something differently or are you happy to be where you are now?